Respect is the foundation of peace. Even more basic than love, human beings have to respect each other in order to get along.

What I mean by RESPECT has nothing to do with the old-fashioned definiton about "obedience" or "doing what one is told to do." That definition is slanted towards the domination needs of the war society.

When we are talking about making a peaceful world, RESPECT means "You have a right to exist, to be who you are, and to see things your own way. Therefore I will not harm you, ignore you, or scoff at your ideas. I will let you live and be healthy, I will find out what matters to you, and I will value and use your input in the present situation."

Peace is what happens when every human being's physical, mental, and human-connection requirements are fully taken into account.

Horses are a different creature from us, and they are "transparent," meaning they don't lie. Therefore there are things we can learn more easily in our dealings with them, that can usefully be brought back into our dealings with our own kind, who are not always what they seem.

A human has to learn how to get along with horses so we don't land in the hospital with broken bones. We have to learn how to respect the horse as a creature that is "different from us, but reasonable and understandable."

The horse is a BIG, STRONG animal -- the ones we ride weigh 900 to 1500 lbs. (400 to 700 kg.) It is EASILY SCARED -- like a giant rabbit, it leaps away from dangers that humans don't even notice. A scared horse may crash right through the person standing beside it. So we have to learn what kinds of things upset horses, and avoid doing horse-upsetting things. We have to make ourself into a calm, dependable person that a horse can trust, as his "herd leader," to keep him safe.

I hope you are already "getting it" that when we deal with horses in this way, we are respecting them. We are taking account of what they are -- a big, strong animal that gets scared easily. We are taking account of their point of view -- there might be a lion behind every door in the barn (and horses are lions' breakfast). We are not ignoring them -- in fact we are changing our own way of acting when we are around them, so that human and horse will both be safe.

All of the following training guidelines have to do with respect for the horse. These same ideas can help us peace-workers to build a respectful society around us.

1) Good horse training is "boring" to watch. There is no "rodeo," no bucking and rearing. Good trainers know precious training time is lost, if they scare and provoke the horse to the point of a "rodeo" reaction. However, between the horse and the trainer, there is a lot going on and it's definitely interesting to both of them.

Peace is "boring" to watch, there is no shooting and bombing and screaming going on. But it's definitely interesting to be part of because there is lots of fun and play, and close friendships, and doing interesting projects together.

2) Safety first. Don't do things with a horse that can lead to accidents. (Don't ask him to gallop until you can reliably steer him while he walks -- you don't want to end up galloping out-of-control towards a highway.) Top priority is teaching the horse how to stay relaxed and calm in what is, to him, "scary" human surroundings. (We have to show him that the water-hose is not a snake about to bite him. A horse scared of the water-hose can actually squash you against the wall.)

When dealing with a person or a group that is different from you, first you need to find out what they are scared of. Once you know that, you will "not-do" the kinds of things they find scary, so that nobody gets hurt.

3) Build a working language between you. The human needs to learn how horses communicate with each other in the herd -- mostly with "body language." We can learn how to use our 2-legged body to "say things" in a way that the 4-legged horse can understand. The horse will also be learning our language -- "When my rider turns her head and upper body to one side, that feeling on my back means I should turn where she is looking."

When we start to deal with a group of "different" people, we need to learn their language -- even if they are also learning ours. Some of the things that are important to them will only be say-able in their language -- and those are things we especially need to know, to understand and respect their point of view.

4) When something isn't working, the human can always change her point of view. Most often this means putting aside a human reason (ambition, hurry, winning, etc.) that doesn't have much meaning for horses. When we act like that it makes them worried, and then accidents happen. Instead, consider what's important to the horse. It may be as simple as the saddle doesn't fit well and gouges his back when he tries to do what you ask.

When things are not going well, we can always change our point of view. Likely what's important to us is different from what's important to another group or country. We can find out what's important to them, and what we're doing that's making them worried or irritated, and try something else.

5) Do some ground-work before you ride. It's plain dangerous to get on a horse's back without first checking, while on solid ground, that you (not your riding teacher) and this particular horse (not the horse you rode last week) understand each other's signals and body language for "Go, stop, turn left, turn right" etc., and how this horse says "I don't understand you, please clarify."

When dealing with a group that you're not familiar with, it's important to do some background study about them, and get to know some of them personally. Every group cares about different things than you do, every language can say things you can't say in yours (which means they can think things you can't think). Before going on to major dealing, check out the "territory." The group you dealt with last month is different from this group -- what they care about is different.

For example, Eskimos have names for several dozen kinds of snow. Each name will tell them something about the temperature, wind direction, how long the storm should last -- knowledge that can make the difference between life and death. There is a whole world of meaning in their words for snow, that people who live outside the Arctic have no way to think about. And that world of knowledge may say a lot about whether your ideas can work at all, where they live.

6) Chunk it down. Horses, like people, get overwhelmed and worried when we expect them to figure out a big new piece of information. Break the new idea down into smaller parts and make sure the horse understands all the parts separately before combining them into a whole.

For example, to prepare for a new idea like "going through a gate" you could chunk it down so the horse first understands your signals for "go forward", "go sideways," "back up," and "wait while I shut the latch." You can avoid a lot of gate-horse-spaghetti by preparing the horse to understand the parts beforehand.

Coming on strong with a big, complicated program in fancy legal terms does overwhelm and scare most groups and countries, so it's a disrespectful way to act. We can chunk it down from the beginning, as well as asking them to offer their own program, chunked-down in ways that they are already familiar with.

7) Learn horse-politeness. Horses are very polite among themselves. They have "do's and don'ts" about getting along, just like people do. A horse will surprise you with its willingness to do something, if you ask in a horse-polite way.

Every group and country has their own ways of being polite with each other. Learning their day-to-day politenesses can make all the difference in how well the communication and dealing goes.

8) Ask, don't make. When you force a horse, his resentment ruins your ride and his training. The great attraction of horses is how amazing it feels when they do things with you because they want to. This is a "gift freely given" and the generosity of it can turn your life upside down.

"Ask, don't make" is the very core of respect. Making someone do something goes against the fact they have their own point of view. People can work with you just as well as horses can. What happens when they do something because they want to will "knock your socks off."

9) Be clear in your intentions. Horses, as a prey animal, are experts in "reading" a predator because their life depends on it. (Humans are predators, we eat animals.) For example, a herd of zebras will graze peacefully beside some lions that have just eaten and are basking in the sun -- but they leap away when they see a lion stalking. A horse can sense when you're "out to win no matter what," and it makes him uneasy, and an uneasy horse is unsafe to be around.

People are pretty good at reading intentions, too, and they pull back and get wary when things don't add up. This is what "transparency" is all about. To bring out the best in someone -- the working-together and the great ideas -- your inner motivations have to line up with what you're saying and doing. Be truthful.

10) Learn what motivates horses. Good trainers (including the back-yard ones) have success because they adjust their mindset and their program to take account of what horses care about.

Every human culture is a little -- or a lot -- different. This is because each place where people live has different resources. Something that's scarce here is abundant over there. A group values what's scarce and adjusts their way of living to the scarce thing. In dealing with another group or country, it's good to find out what's scarce, what's abundant, and how that shapes their culture.

11) Do what's healthy for the horse. Show the horse how to carry your weight in a way that won't break him down over the years. Don't overwork his body, don't overstress his mind. It's no fun to put in lots of time and effort, only to lose him to lame feet, ruined joints, or going mentally "sour" by the time he's gotten good at his job.

This is another way of saying, "Exploitation doesn't actually pay." When we treat people badly, not only does it ruin their health and drain the energy and willingness of their society. It is also a drain on us to pay for soldiers, police, and prisons to keep people from rebelling. There comes a point when the soldiers, police, and prisons cost more, overall, than what we may "make" in profits.

12) Appreciate the horse. Good trainers constantly point out the small improvements the horse makes as he learns, with a sound or a word, and follow-up each one with a reward. They say a bigger "Thank you!" at the end of a ride or lesson, with a food treat and lots of praise. Horses understand appreciation and will work harder and more joyfully for someone who gives lots of "thank-you's."

Giving thank-you's and appreciations that have meaning in the other person's culture show that we respect them and their point of view.

I just know somebody is going to ask me, right about now, "What do I do with so-and-so who won't deal with me?" or "What about this group or country that's out to get us?"

When you are learning a new skill, you don't begin at the most difficult level. As a beginning karate student, you don't spar with the black-belts, you spar with the other white-belts or yellow-belts. For ordinary people like you and me, it might take many years of study and practice before we would be ready to spar with a black-belt. AND -- it would be worth the wait!

Likewise, in learning how to use respect, we can save ourselves lots of discouragement by practicing with people who are "easy" for us. When we have gotten pretty good at dealing respectfully with the "easy" ones, then we can try somebody who's "medium," and after a lot of practice at that level, only then would we expect to stay respectful with someone whom we find "difficult."

When there has been ongoing disrespect and harm between two people or two groups, EITHER ONE OF THEM can take charge of the situation and get things going better, by being the FIRST to take the other person's point of view into account.

This takes courage, and it takes practice at staying focussed in the face of someone afraid for their life, or bitterly angry. We don't all have the skills to do that -- yet!

So, starting at the white-belt level, you could write down the things you have done, on each item in my list above, that are respectful of the person or group you feel un-peaceful about.

Next, write down something for each point, that you haven't done yet and could do.

When you get to "What's important to another person or group?" the library and the internet can help you a lot.

When you've done enough backgrounding that you can put in your own words some of the things that are important to people in their culture, "walk up to the horse and do some groundwork." Get to know some people from that group or country as a friend before you ever try to discuss sticky issues with them.

Every person who is alive has these things in common with you:

-- They'd like to keep on being alive,

-- They like to have close friends,

-- They like to use their mind on interesting projects that they care about.